Well, it happened, but only for a short time. I let someone whom I felt I respected as a professional person, steal my joy. I let him totally rob me of a wonderful feeling. I am more than sure that you probably do not know what I am talking about so lets just get it all out in the open.
You see, I have been on this journey to health now for two and a half years. I nearly died from complications from Weight loss Surgery. I have the most wonderful doctor in the world and when he went in to "fix" the complications saw that I was in really bad shape. He literally saved my life. I paid a huge price, but you can bet I would do it all again. I was in the hospital for three months, had a huge open wound for 22 months till I was healthy enough to have it closed, I was fed through a PICC Line for a full year as I could not eat or drink orally, Merrill took off 9 full months to take care of me and to help me get strong enough to take care of the children. The list of problems was long and they seemed to compound as time went on. I developed blood clots and two landed in my lungs. I had to have a filter put in to "catch" them if any more broke loose. It was a crazy time in my life.
The upside of it all is I am still here, I am over 120 lbs lighter, my health is better all the time, I am stronger, I have a ton more energy and I only have 10 lbs to loose till I reach goal. My doctor is so happy for me. I shared this with the trusted professional. Rather than sharing my joy, he stole it right out from under me. He said that it is because my doctor has helped me more than he helps other patients. My balloon was busted. I felt like a failure. He stole my joy and worse yet, I let him have it.
THEN, I regrouped. I am the first to admit that my doctor has been there every step of the way with me. I have been a very difficult case/patient for him. I have put him though paces that he has not been put through before. Each day brought with it new challenges and he never once wavered. I did. I fell flat on my face. I wanted to give up. I cried more times than any of us want to remember and I wanted to know why this was the way it was. It all scared me and I had no clue where the path was leading. He never stopped reassuring me or Merrill for that matter.
BUT, you want to know the neatest thing about this doctor of mine....he is there for all of his patients. He is a rare breed indeed. He actually really cares about all of us. He will help anyone of us that need his help. He takes care of us even though he is now out of state. We all know how to get in touch with him. It is not just me. Yes, my path was so very different. He was forced to take care of me more than others, but I was very sick, much more needy medically than any of his other patients.
In the end though, this trusted professional is wrong. I am the one that has to keep on keeping on. I have had to learn how to eat, what to eat and when to eat. I have to face each day with only myself to do what I know I am suppose to do. In the end it is me and me alone that will face the food demons that I have lived with my entire life. Many days I will win and some days I will not. It is me that has to get up and exercise and to work to not only get healthy but stay healthy. For the most part I am proud of me.
Yes, my doctor will always be there, cheering me one, reminding me not to be so hard on myself, helping me see the new me, learning to love her and to accept her. He sits in my front row of life and I will always be so thankful that when I needed that surgery that ultimately saved my life he was the one that was there. His name...Dr. Lee Trotter. He is a great doctor if you ever need one. Thank you Dr. Trotter for being there for me, but thank you more for letting me know that I have done this and that for the rest of my life I will be doing this. It is about me and my journey to health.
I have my Joy...I am not letting anyone take it from me :o)
Comments
Just because a person holds a professional title in the working world, does not make them a humanitarian. Nor does it make them a person of compassion, insightfullness, or understanding of YOUR personal life. Nobody but you and God know everything you have gone through or how you felt/feel about your process. Even Merrill can't know every little detail because it's YOU that have felt the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual ups and downs.
This person obviously doesn't look at the fact that God intervened in your existence on this earth by bringing you Dr. Trotter. It took him and his unusual capacity for patient care to keep you on this earth with us...and God definately wanted to keep you here to take care of that familily of yours that nobody else but you and Merrill could take care of.
Where much is given, much is expected. That is normally thought of in terms of a person having received so much out of life, needs to give back. But, in your case...I believe it means YOU have given so much of yourself to your kids and society...that God gave back to you. He gave you back your life through one of his angels...Dr. Trotter.
NEVER discount the personal work that you have put into where you are today. Dr. Trotter gave you the medical end of it...but YOU have done the work. He led you to the information and tools...but he couldn't force you to use them. Only YOU can do that...and you do.
I'm in your corner, proud to be your friend and so very glad to have you in my life.
Love and hugs, Tari
You are sure a special person with all you have gone through and all you do for the kids you adopt. You give love where there might not have been. You are a bright light in this life and I hope to know you for many more years.
I'm here in our corner with Tari cheering you on. If you need me let me know.
I am very sorry that for a few fleeting moments a "trusted professional" was able to take the wind out of your sails.
He obviously does not see the pain you have had to endure to make it on this journey,
he does not understand the struggles that a recovering food addict has to overcome everyday,
and he certainly felt some jealousy for the respect and admiration for your wonderful surgeon.
I am happy that you realised just how wrong he was,
and that you are feeling good about all of the pain and hard work you have had to endure.
Love & hugs,
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS
Tammy
You did it every step was all you... yes, you had encouragement and advice... but ultimately it was you that did the work and the credit is all yours! I hope I can be successful as you have been and I could only wish my doctor was there for me like yours! That's why I'm so grateful to know you guys!!
Hugs!
Diana