Oh my this is a hard post to post. It is about bitterness. Yes, BITTERNESS. It is an ugly word. It even sounds ugly. It is not how I wish to feel or even for someone to say...that Roberta, She is a bitter person. Yet, I have to admit, bitterness got a hold of me and I am working now to break free of it. I feel that it is not a reflection of the Saviour that I serve, but more of the evil that I want to run from.
Church, I was a child who was raised in church. That is the wonderful thing about growing up in the South, church. They are everywhere. No one has a hard time finding a church to go to or friends to go with. They have things called Revival's and during a revival, you go all week, every day and no one thinks a thing about it. I miss that so much.
Church, we were "reorganized" right out of our church. We have not been to church in 9 months. Funny thing about our family, we stick out like a sore thumb. We can't just slip in the back pew and no one notice. We loved our church. We loved the early service. We could get up, get everyone dressed and get to church. It worked for us and it worked for the kids. Then that all changed and we could not really make the later service work. So we had no where to go.
Kids, they have missed church. They have missed all that goes with belonging to a church and going to church. They have missed camp, VBS, Youth Group, being on the Children's ministry team...all of those kind of things.
Bitterness...it reared its ugly head when it involved the children. We have a baby who is a year old and he has only been in church a handful of times. The twins have only been once. Bitterness, it hardens the heart..the same heart where Jesus lives. That does not go together at all.
Blessings...a dear friend suggested I look at the blessings that were coming from other people and change my focus.
I did.
We have made friends who come over to our home and help us with the things Merrill NEVER has time for, I mean really, he is a daddy to 13 kids still at home four of whom are 3 and under and four more who are total care. We have a dear lady, whom we did not know before hand, that makes dinner for this family once a week. Talk about a BLESSING!!! She seems to always choose a night when I am running around in circles going nowhere fast.
Another friend has help us with childcare here in our home, as in blessing us with the funds to afford extra help. We had our home cleaned from top to bottom, again funded by someone who loves this family. My goodness, another church came out and sanded and stained our playground and cleaned up the "winter" from our yard.
Camp, while they did not get to go to church camp, the Military took 6 of them, three of those who are total care, and sent them to Camp Ronald McDonald for 6 days. There were real blessings. Kids who would never get to go to camp otherwise got to go to camp and be loved for who they are...not the mold they don't fit into.
God has ALWAYS provided for our family. He has always been there as we have done our level best to honor His calling. And while we have not been in church, there have been a few church members who have stayed in touch with us.
It looks as if the church is going to "reorganize" us back into the early service sometime next month.. While we have not been told this, we have "heard it through the grapevine". We hope and pray it is true. You see, there is not a church on every corner here in Northern Nevada. It is not easy to find a church family that loves this family for who they are...exotic for sure, but still full of God's children.
The bitterness, well with patience, love, support of friends and prayer, it is leaving. My life must be a witness to the very children that I have been blessed to call my own. While on the surface I started to crumble, the foundation that was laid so many years ago at The North Dallas Church of the Nazarene, is a firm foundation. The Christian schools my parents sent me to were not a waste of their time and money. I was prayed for by such Saints as Jess and Rosie Tanner and Elmer and Bessie Woods. My parents, while not perfect showed me the way. I will stumble and I will fall, but as long as I can, I will get back up and dust myself off and go after all that I believe in again.
Thanks for checking back.
.
Church, I was a child who was raised in church. That is the wonderful thing about growing up in the South, church. They are everywhere. No one has a hard time finding a church to go to or friends to go with. They have things called Revival's and during a revival, you go all week, every day and no one thinks a thing about it. I miss that so much.
Church, we were "reorganized" right out of our church. We have not been to church in 9 months. Funny thing about our family, we stick out like a sore thumb. We can't just slip in the back pew and no one notice. We loved our church. We loved the early service. We could get up, get everyone dressed and get to church. It worked for us and it worked for the kids. Then that all changed and we could not really make the later service work. So we had no where to go.
Kids, they have missed church. They have missed all that goes with belonging to a church and going to church. They have missed camp, VBS, Youth Group, being on the Children's ministry team...all of those kind of things.
Bitterness...it reared its ugly head when it involved the children. We have a baby who is a year old and he has only been in church a handful of times. The twins have only been once. Bitterness, it hardens the heart..the same heart where Jesus lives. That does not go together at all.
Blessings...a dear friend suggested I look at the blessings that were coming from other people and change my focus.
I did.
We have made friends who come over to our home and help us with the things Merrill NEVER has time for, I mean really, he is a daddy to 13 kids still at home four of whom are 3 and under and four more who are total care. We have a dear lady, whom we did not know before hand, that makes dinner for this family once a week. Talk about a BLESSING!!! She seems to always choose a night when I am running around in circles going nowhere fast.
Another friend has help us with childcare here in our home, as in blessing us with the funds to afford extra help. We had our home cleaned from top to bottom, again funded by someone who loves this family. My goodness, another church came out and sanded and stained our playground and cleaned up the "winter" from our yard.
Camp, while they did not get to go to church camp, the Military took 6 of them, three of those who are total care, and sent them to Camp Ronald McDonald for 6 days. There were real blessings. Kids who would never get to go to camp otherwise got to go to camp and be loved for who they are...not the mold they don't fit into.
God has ALWAYS provided for our family. He has always been there as we have done our level best to honor His calling. And while we have not been in church, there have been a few church members who have stayed in touch with us.
It looks as if the church is going to "reorganize" us back into the early service sometime next month.. While we have not been told this, we have "heard it through the grapevine". We hope and pray it is true. You see, there is not a church on every corner here in Northern Nevada. It is not easy to find a church family that loves this family for who they are...exotic for sure, but still full of God's children.
The bitterness, well with patience, love, support of friends and prayer, it is leaving. My life must be a witness to the very children that I have been blessed to call my own. While on the surface I started to crumble, the foundation that was laid so many years ago at The North Dallas Church of the Nazarene, is a firm foundation. The Christian schools my parents sent me to were not a waste of their time and money. I was prayed for by such Saints as Jess and Rosie Tanner and Elmer and Bessie Woods. My parents, while not perfect showed me the way. I will stumble and I will fall, but as long as I can, I will get back up and dust myself off and go after all that I believe in again.
Thanks for checking back.
.
Comments
Church is never suppose to hurt and I am so sorry that it hurts in this case. I know in my heart you and your family will prevail.
We will be praying for you.
Tari